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2. Take care of your feelings.
Once month seven hit, the bottom dropped out. What he said next, frankly shocked me. He walked out and that was it. The relationship had fallen victim to: Poor Uncertainty Handling Issues boring term made up by yours truly. The truth is, I HAD been cold.
This Is The Problem With The ‘Uncertainty’ Stage Of Any Relationship | Thought Catalog
That takes us to the main point. This post originally appeared at Attract The One.
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Both of these approaches can push him away or prevent him from feeling confident that he is the right man for her. Instead of letting him continue to please her, her attempts to please him can cause him to lose interest. If and when she is not sure where her relationship is going, she should find support from her friends. This gives her time and space to think about whether he is really the right person for an exclusive relationship.
The Challenge The challenge in Stage Two of dating is to recognize that uncertainty is normal during the dating process.
Without a good understanding of the uncertainty stage, it is easy for a man to drift from one partner to another and for a woman to make the mistake of pursuing a man more than he is pursuing her. Exclusivity The Third Stage of Dating begins when both people feel a desire to date each other exclusively. Both of them want the opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship without competition. They want to relax and have more time to share with one partner. The Exclusivity Stage begins with a conversation and a commitment to stop seeing other people.
Exclusivity must not be assumed without talking about it and coming to an agreement about it. Many people believe that if they are sexually involved, then they are exclusive. However, sex is not a requirement for exclusivity. Exclusivity for Him When a man moves into the exclusivity stage, he can often grow complacent in the relationship. He may assume that he has done all he needs to do to win a willing partner. This can cause him to stop doing the things that made him so attractive to her in the beginning.
This is not the time for him to sit home and assume that the work of building a romance is over. He needs to continue to take the time to explore what she likes and plan romantic dates together. Romance fuels her attraction for him. If he relaxes too much, she may stop responding to him like the way she did during the first two stages of dating. Exclusivity for Her After she has agreed to be exclusive, her greatest challenge is asking him for support.
She often assumes that he will start to do things without being asked. Just as his romantic gestures reassure her that she is special, her requests encourage him to continue giving her what she needs. She becomes more attractive to him when he knows what she wants and he feels confident that he can fulfill her.
Kiss on the First Date?
She should continue receiving with positive responses. She may want to do more but when she feels she is giving more, she can lose her appreciation and attraction for him. The Challenge The challenge in the Third Stage of Dating is to avoid becoming too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make the other person feel special.
He needs to continue being romantic, planning dates and chasing her. She needs to ask for what she wants, and be receptive and responsive to his efforts. Intimacy Once both people have experienced chemistry on all four levels — physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, they are ready to experience the real and lasting love that can grow in the Fourth Stage of Dating: This is the time to relax and just get to know each other on a deeper, more personal level.
She should continue to open up more and share her thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities. He should continue to express his love, show more interest and desire, and look forward to regular physical intimacy. Both of them should grow closer and feel the joy of a deeper emotional connection and increased physical contact.
Tips for Men The biggest challenge for him during this stage is to understand that she will show more vulnerability in the relationship. Her emotions will tend to rise and fall — like a wave. She may feel very loving and happy for consecutive days, but once her emotions reach their peak, her wave crashes, and she has very little to give. She may feel overwhelmed, insecure, or resentful, but he should avoid taking it personally. This is when he needs to draw from the skills he learned in Stage Three and continue to give his best without expecting an immediate return.
He should avoid trying to talk her out of her feelings. Rather than give solutions, he should provide greater understanding, empathy, and just listen. Tips for Women Just as her feelings tend to rise and fall with the increased intimacy, men experience the need to get close and pull away — like a rubber band.
This Is The Problem With The ‘Uncertainty’ Stage Of Any Relationship
The more intimate a man becomes with a woman, the more he will sometimes feel a need to have some distance. Each time he pulls away, his love grows as he experiences missing her and wanting to be close again. This back-and-forth urge is natural for a man and mimics the testosterone production in his body. His need to pull away will decline less and less as emotional intimacy deepens in the relationship. If a man gets close to a woman before he has experienced chemistry on all four levels — physical, emotional, mental and spiritual — he may not come back when he pulls away.
If he has not experienced enough love, then the rubber band breaks. The Challenge The challenge during the Intimacy Stage is understanding how each person handles intimacy differently and giving that person what they need, when they need it. Check your logic with an objective person before taking action.
Remember, like most growth experiences, learning how to tolerate emotional discomfort becomes easier the more you practice. As you develop a greater ability to manage your emotions, you will notice yourself becoming more resourceful during the difficult moments in your relationships.
And with that resiliency, you will become different in the world in general — more open to life. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch.
Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. So, here are five tips to help you tolerate discomfort rather than being ruled by it: Acknowledge that it sucks. Take care of your feelings. Don't trust your rationalizations. Rhonda Milrad is a licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience as a relationship therapist.